Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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