I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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