I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
