new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
