I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
