Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
