I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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