Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
