i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
