Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Drunk is a universal language darling
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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