yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
