I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
how does that bad decision feel?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
