dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
