I cockslap morals
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Text me some of your sweat
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
