so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
