I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
