We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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