The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
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Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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