I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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