drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
