how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
