you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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