so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
