Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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