You can't special order awesome
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
