dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
