The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
