this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I forgot how hot balto sounded
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
