hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
