I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
