bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
