Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
