My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize