my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize