Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Alive.
So much puke
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Damn victory sex feels great
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
