he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
