Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
