K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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