Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
