I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
