There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
