It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
