We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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