it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
