sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
