i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
