Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
