She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
