**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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