just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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