I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
