dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Two words: blizzard sex
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
