# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
