It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
