just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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