he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
