he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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