Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
