it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
