Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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