shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
