Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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