it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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